There are a lot of singles resources out there that I'd love to connect people to (e.g., the Relationship Coaching Institute, the Relationship Research Institute, websites like AskMen for men, and even astrological sites (e.g., this, this, and that, but I love this one), but my biggest problem with most singles guides, singles advice, etc., is that it's directed more towards how to have a sex with or pick up a girl or guy as opposed to have to get into a relationship with someone (especially with guy's advice). There are all these games, and systems, and whatnot, but I don't think any of it really matters. Because if you're looking for how to pick up chicks or guys, you're really in the wrong place. That's not really my goal, and helping someone get laid is DEFINITELY not what this blog is about.
|Sorry to disappoint you Quagmire|
I will be introducing some little things that deal with the first point over the next few weeks, but as far as the second goes, let's just have a brief introduction into compatibility 101. First of all, what is it?
Compatibility (noun): 1: Capable of existing together in harmony (compatible theories, compatible people)... Example: Two people with compatible personalities. Origin: Middle English, from Medieval Latin: compatibilis, literally: sympathetic, from Late Latin: compati. First Known Use: 15th century. Synonyms: Agreeable, amicable, harmonious, congenial, frictionless, kindred, unanimous, united. Antonyms: Disagreeable, discordant, disharmonious, disunited, incompatible, inharmonious, uncongenial" (Thanks Webster).
Wikipedia has a pretty basic overview of interpersonal compatibility, but it is a really important concept that is often overlooked entirely, or in the case of the Arab world/Lebanon, is reduced down to the same religion, sect, social class, geographic location, or similar family backgrounds. But regardless of where you're from, compatibility is important, both for couples and singles.
These are a wide range of questions, but I just wanted to illustrate things many people don't ask themselves or the people they are potentially going to be in a relationship with. Or if people know what they value, they don't necessarily know how "put their finger on it" as to what they are trying to tell themselves (i.e., that this is important to finding someone who I am compatible with).
|Probably not gonna work...|
I'll be talking more about compatibility later, and by no means am I trying to make you paranoid about it, but DO be more aware that there is more to meeting someone and maintaining a relationship than attraction (Duh, I know...).
Dijkstra, Pieternel, and Dick P. H. Berelds. 2008. "Do People Know What They Want: A Similar or Complementary Partner?" Evolutionary Psychology, 6(4): 595-602.
Huston, Ted L., and Renate M. Houts. 1998. "The Psychological Infrastructure of Courtship and Marriage: The Role of Personality and Compatibility in Romantic Relationships." Pp. 114-151 in The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction, edited by Thomas N. Bradbury. New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.
Lutz-Zois, Catherine J., Angela C. Bradley, Jennifer L. Mihalik, and Erika R. Moorman-Eavers. 2006. "Perceived Similarity and Relationship Success Among Dating Couples: An Idiographic Approach. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6): 865-880.
Sprecher, Susan. 1998. "Insiders' Perspectives on Reasons for Attraction to a Close Other." Social Psychological Quarterly, 61(4): 287-300.
Winch, Robert F. 1967. "Another Look at the Theory of Complementary Needs in Mate-Selection." Journal of Marriage and Family, 29(4): 756-762.
----. 1958. Mate-Selection: A Study of Complementary Needs. Oxford, UK: Harper.
----. 1955. "The Theory of Complementary Needs in Mate-Selection: Final Results on the Test of the General Hypothesis." American Sociological Review, 20(5): 552-555.